Thursday, March 25, 2004
So, I've got comments back and working, found the links and figured out why they went to the bottom of the page and am hoping the reinstallation of the site meter has taken. Whew, all this and I haven't even started working yet!
But, this whole "incident" only highlighted (in my mind) one of the many personal flaws I have to come to terms with.
You see, I'm a perfectionist regarding things that I do. Main problem with that? I'm not perfect! Leads to many hours of frustration and self berating. Not only that, but it makes me crazy.
That trait is one of the factors that makes me so popular with the bosses. I'll tweak and fiddle and rewrite a presentation up until the very last minute. And it will be good. They love it. I sit down afterwards with my list of everything I saw wrong and beg to redo it before we go again. Makes for long long nights. I'm not picky about other peoples stuff - just mine. When I worked in the Steel business, I kept a cot in my office. I've been known to stay up all night to get an analysis pulled together just because someone "needed" it first thing in the morning. (People learn with me to be careful how they phrase things.)
I love analysis. Charts, graphs and spreadsheets make me very happy. They are the tools I need to tell my stories. However, you can only spend so much time with them before the story is no longer useful. I work in real time data. We care about what consumers did last year - but only in how it effects what they are doing this year, and what they will think about doing next year. Detail analysis regarding market basket purchases in 1987 doesn't mean much to anyone but me.
Personally - it makes me crazy. I love a clean house. I didn't have that luxury when I was married with 386 teenagers in my house all the time, so now I want it clean! But I don't expect anyone else to do it - I'll do it myself. I'm not one of those that clean up behind people while they are still there, but I can see that coming if I don't get some help pretty soon.
Bottom line - I'm always trying to do things better, cleaner, faster, sparklyer (yes that is a word). I love the WOW factor. I NEED to impress and will work as hard as I have to in order to accomplish that. I NEED to hear that my bosses are bragging about me. It spurs me on. I thrive on people looking to me as an example. I'm known for being a step ahead of the game. "Tammi, did you..." "Yep - here it is" is the only acceptable response I can think of.
I hate that. I put so much pressure on myself that is completely with out reason. But - there you have it. I can't change it, and the good news is I don't foster that on those around me. I learned a long time ago, you cannot expect people to live their lives up to your standards. But I sure do expect that of myself.
So....how does that all relate to the melt down of last evening? I wanted a prettier blog, one with toys and cool stuff. Not for anyone else - for me. So I jump in over my head and then beat the hell out of myself when I started to drown. But, we're gonna do this one step at a time. Let's get the posting down and figure out where to go from there.
Thanks for staying with me thru this ramble. A bit of self analysis is good every now and again.