Friday, April 02, 2004
So many experts will talk about watching for signs. They are right - there are many signs that point to the POSSIBILITY of abuse. But, the catch side is that many of these same signs lead to no abuse whatsoever, so it can be a touchy thing at best.
However - there are a few No Fail things to watch for that can be warnings to problems down the road. I'd like to go over a few of those with you - just in the hope that it may help one person.
CONTROL: Be wary of anyone - male or female - that wants complete control. That includes finances, decision making and actions. Control is one of the biggest triggers. Most often - abuse is a direct result of someone feeling like they are losing control. Most abusers are actually insecure and suffer from very low self esteem. That insecurity will often cause the abuser to hear things completely out of context.
Example; You say - I just need a little time to think. They hear - I'm leaving you. Triggers one heck of a scene.
Name Calling:Now I'm not talking to common ones - jerk, bitch, bastard, ass. While not nice at all, they are fairly common. And let's be honest, we've all been guilty of those at one point or another. What I'm talking about are those demeaning, truly demoralizing names. Names that dehumanize. For woman - the C word comes to mind. Not only are these "not nice" but they are stealing a part of your humanity, your dignity, yourself.
This is a short list, and I could go on (believe me). But I just wanted to breifly address a couple of these, as I said - if it helps one person then it was a good thing.
Abusers can be male or female. Teenager, young adult, senior citizen. There are no boundaries. All I ask is that you look out for yourself. Don't let ANYONE steal your dignity. Don't let ANYONE try and tell you that you are LESS than they are.
EVERYONE has value. EVERYONE has something they bring to the table. Don't be afraid to stand-up for your rights.
I'm just sayin'.......