Monday, May 03, 2004
The drive to Atlanta was so fun - music blaring, people calling and talking me thru the trip. However, the trip home, while shorter was very different. I started thinking about life, balance and what makes me content and what my actual life goals really are. That can be a tough line of thought when you're on the road for 5 hours with not much to distract you.
I realized that work is my main focus. It always will be. It's the one thing I've always been a success at. But that leads me to wonder why, if I'm so damn smart, so damn successful, can't I get my personal life in line. I think I got if figured out. I'm scared. Plain and simple.
Fear of failure is a very strong motivator. It's what drives me every day. I've spoken before of fear - and won't review that whole philosophy. I'll just add that since I've never really failed at work that's where I focus. I've failed personally more times than not. So, like the kid and the hot stove, after you've been burned enough you stop touching the damn stove.
So, I started to look at what makes me successful in my line of work. Well, I'm not a dumb girl, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm driven and focused. I truly believe in the product I sell and the company I work for. But most important I care about people. I am a natural nurturer. I take care of people. If something is broken, by golly I want to fix it. Product, situation, people - there's got to be a way to make it better.
Common sense would tell you it should be fairly simple to take those same traits and apply them to personal success. About the only one I've done that with is the nurturing thing. And that is so strong, it's almost a fault. You can believe I got a couple of lectures this weekend about allowing people to be nice to me for a change. :)
But somehow I need to apply the focus and intelligence to being successful outside of the business world. Gonna air a bit of dirty laundry, but some how I have to believe there are several out there that run things similar to me. I hate to get the mail. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I try and set up all my bills to come via the internet. I pay all my bills via phone. I don't balance my check book. I know what I have - within a range, but will not sit down and balance. Now that's just silly. I balance a budget for work of well over $1,000,000.00. And I can tell you to the penny what is spent where and what my forecast of expenses are. Gotta work on that. Bought Quicken, will use it. Starting today.
I need to set personal goals - not work related, personal. Those I will not share (hey, a girl's gotta have a little mystery). I've given myself a time frame to complete those - I do love my deadlines. And they have to be SMART, Sensible Measurable Achievable Realistic and Time sensitive.
I can do this. It's time. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to be living in some cardboard box alone on a street corner in Sarasota wondering just what went wrong where.