Thursday, July 01, 2004
I think it's because I had spent so much time being told that I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I remember when I had to take a series of tests for a job and included in there was an IQ test. I took it (kicking and screaming, afraid of what it would say) only to be told I had to take it again! YIKES - my first thought is that I did so poorly that they thought it MUST be a mistake. When I completed it the second time, they came in and said the reason for the retest what because of the high score. I sat there at the table, interviewing for a job, with tears coursing down my face. I couldn't absorb the information. You mean I'm smart? Yeah, you're smart. I got the job, and as soon as I got in the car I called my Mom. She laughed at me and said that she's been telling me that all along.
But anyways, I've always been one to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. And I love to observe and watch people. I learn that way. I am one of those people that needs the whole picture. I want to understand how everything flows together, how it all fits. How does what I do effect what you do?
With this job, we don't get that opportunity. Add in the fact that with all the changes there really isn't anyone to ask. You see, I'm now considered one of the senior reps in our district. YIKES. Now, selling is not the issue for me. Customer service is not the issue. Internal policies and procedures are the issue. I don't know them, don't understand them, and don't see how it all fits together.
So the other day I had to call my new VP and tell him - I Don't Know. That was a fun conversation, let me tell you. Lucky for me, another of the guys on the team is in the same boat, so we double teamed him.
My boss was upset - but not at us. He is just now getting the feel of how much is missing in our little puzzle of a region. After all the bluster had died down I said my peace. I let him know how hard it was for me to tell him, my new boss, the man who thinks I've got it going on (work wise) that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. My instinct was to just keep plodding along and cover it all up. But then what happens when someone finds out? That wouldn't be fun, not for anyone.
So I bit the bullet and went against my natural inclination and said Uncle. I'm glad I did. All of a sudden I'm getting lots and lots of e-mail and have been told some manuals are being UPSed to me this week. Yeah! Now I feel like I can take that huge dunce cap off and get the hell out of the corner I've been sitting in.