Thursday, September 09, 2004
Then you may not want to continue reading this post. Yep - it's another rehash, and I need to get it out of my system.
I've always considered myself focused. Like a laser beam. If I have a project or something catches my attenetion, I want to understand EVERYTHING I can and become somewhat of an expert. I do that in my job, and it's worked pretty well for me. I do that with my hobbies and I've taken hours of enjoyment from that. I'm a learner by nature. I grew up with the thought that what you have in your mind, no one can ever take away from you.
The last three weeks I've been focused on these damn storms. After Charley it took about a week, but I crawled out of the cave and started to hit my stride again. Then Frances bitch slapped me and I ran quivering back to that cave. With Ivan on the horizan I'm sneaking a peek out every now and then, but honestly - I don't have the energy to pull out of this right now. I have so many friends spread across this state, and I am a natural worrier. I do it really well. I've gone so far as breaking my #1 rule about phones and started taking my cell into stores, just so I don't miss anyones calls, with service being so spotty.
I'm tired. I'm damn tired. I'm tired of having my house tore up - and between the on again, off again move, my work schedule and these damn storms it's been tore up for over 8 months! I'm tired of not being able to have a work routine. I'm tired of driving around and seeing debris everywhere. I'm tired of missing my friends. I'm tired of NOT LAUGHING. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.
Usually I have a great sense of humor (if I must say so myself) but not finding that many things funny anymore. In fact, I'm taking a lot of stuff personally. Business wise that's not good. I've always had a tough hide and love to exchange barbs and match wits. Now, I find myself recoiling from the simpliest of remarks.
Movies don't really hold my attention, neither do books. I'm even having trouble with conversations. Just got nothing to talk WITH people about. I find myself venting constantly. God I hate people like that. People that don't ask questions, people that can only focus on themselves and their little corner of the world. I'll get off the phone and realize that I'd done it all again and be so disappointed in myself. So now I'm avoiding many conversations. WTF?!?!
So.....you'll pardon the lack of posts. I don't want this blog of mine to become another rant rag. Oh, I'll be posting, and everytime I say I'm going to slow down it's like the blogsphere conspires against me and things heat up. I end up posting more. But I'm frustrated that I can't get the "good" site to work, blogspot makes me crazy, as I can't post pictures (and I do have some now) and - honestly I feel a bit like a royal bitch and I end up deleting most of my posts because of their negative content. You know it's bad when I can't put a positive spin on things.
Speaking of spin - Ivan is not looking good right now. Yes, I know it's too early to tell, but I'm focused right now, and things are just not looking good for Florida. This one may take on Sarasota/Bradenton and I've got too many people I love in that area. Plus - yeah, you got it right - it would come this way AGAIN. That's why the house stays packed, as do my suitcases, and I stay on alert.
Everyday we've got more storms. More tornados and thunderstorms. Yesterday they started around 1:30 and lasted most of the evening. Today, it's already begun. They are started to get on my last nerve.
Things are very tough with work. Business sucks and everyone seems to be on edge. Just because there have been a couple storms our budgets don't change. Our goals are set in stone. Guess what - that's all tied to the paycheck. Yeah - not looking so good right now. Not at all.
So - as you've just seen, I'm not in a very good mood. I don't want to put that all on you guys. So - unless I got something really cool to share, or things break free, or God Forbid I do another hurricane blogging session things will be a bit slow. (I know Harvey, we're not supposed to post that, but I don't want anyone to worry if I don't post for a day or so.)
Oh, you'll see me lurking around, commenting and such. I can't stop that! :-) It's like I said, I don't want to turn this in to a bitter bitch rag.